GSA President's farewell speech to pupils

1 May 2006

 

Letter to my leavers

Girls,

These days at school have shaped who you are. You have learnt to triumph over timidity, strengthened by the unrivalled support of female friends, and unhindered by irritating teenage testosterone.

As your last day here approaches, I fear the way ahead may not be so kind. Beyond the Gap year, beyond the university course, lies a reality about which most of you can know little. Many of you will begin your working life in debt, incurred pursuing degrees. I hope you enjoy the experience of university for what it is, not for what it might bring, because your dream of walking into a well-paid job may not materialise for some time, and you could find yourself accepting a post alongside contemporaries who entered the firm straight from school, and are now better paid. You'll find that the people in the real world of work aren't terribly impressed by your dissertation on Keats, and at interview will ask more about what you learned from your holiday job in Marks and Spencer than from your tutorials.

 You'll need to think about your pension more seriously than my generation ever did, and had better not expect to retire before you're 68. A place of your own will only be possible if you inherit, part-own or are lucky enough to earn what the mortgage company requires.  For some of you, that will mean a long wait.

You've spent years surrounded by teachers who encouraged you to aim at anything, leading you to believe that your being female was advantageous, instrumental in your success, not the source of  novelty because you were. This will change, and you'll encounter prejudice where you least expect it. It is still a man's world, and you will soon find that gender schemas are deeply entrenched. Your generation will continue to change that, building on what mine has achieved, but it will not be easy. You'll need to be better prepared for meetings than many of the men there. Expect your appearance to be scrutinised and your moods analysed. But believe in what you are, be comfortable about yourself, walk tall and draw on all the self-confidence you have gained from your years in a girls' school. Learn to enjoy doing things differently. Challenge bigotry with grace, and prejudice with an equal measure of patient resolve and sheer hard work.

Then there's the juggling. The glass ceiling may be cracked beyond repair, but no one has yet solved the dilemma of working professional mothers. Be ready for this one, girls. Even when your partner has talked it all through with you, even if the decision has been that the career break will be his not yours, even if you are affluent enough to buy in all manner of domestic help, there will be moments of deep personal doubt.  We working mums carry guilt like a badge. Too many companies still cling to the culture which expects employees to "bond" after-hours, making it difficult to be home for tea and the story at bedtime. It's as tough for the fathers as for the mothers, but if you go straight home after a day at the desk, expect to feel excluded next day from the baffling chummy allusions to events you missed. Prepare for it, and ride it out.

Equally difficult will be those family moments you will inevitably miss if you continue to work. It may not be you who sees the first steps, or hears the first words, or attends the nativity plays. Will that matter to you? And how will you cope with the other generation who could come to depend on you? You will possibly find yourself sandwiched between an ageing ailing parent and the long-term financial assistance of your own offspring.

The world expects a great deal of females. We are regularly reminded (mostly by men) that we can multitask, as if that makes it perfectly acceptable to leave all management of the family and home to us. Don't try to be Superwoman. You need time for YOU too. Keep your own health and wellbeing in view: seek always to acquire new skills and to risk new ventures. So what if the furniture needs dusting? Lively minds such as yours will need more than Brillo pads and the Shopping channel. 

 The years in a girls' school have taught you to think outside the box, to adopt a "can-do" approach to life. Promise me you'll make a difference by what you do, in however small a way. Promise me you'll remember that friendship and tolerance, compassion and fun are more valuable than a six-figure salary

 There are some real dilemmas ahead, moral, social and financial, with major decisions and life style choices only you can make. I believe you are ready now, and confident enough, to tackle them your own way.

So off you go, to be medics, engineers, accountants, writers and poets, whatever. Being a woman, you will play many parts in your drama - employee, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Be sure the script is written for you and by you. Tackle it with style, relish the unfolding plot, and take the stage by storm.

Good luck. Be happy. The world is waiting.

Your  Headmistress.

Dr Brenda Despontin
President, GSA